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Relationships

Oh you shouldn’t have! But now that you did…’tweet!’

We get it. He loves you very much. He buys you flowers every week and leaves you a love note next to your coffee every morning. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Really. It’s cute, genuine love.

But what can ruin that love is your constant marketing of it. We live in a time where social media is intertwined in every little aspect of our lives. People post “Just sneezed,” so someone can comment “Bless you.” We can’t eat a meal before snapping a picture of it (and adding a nice filter to make it look better than it actually is), and we can’t sit as a family watching a movie without someone posting “Feeling blessed; with family.”

So, as a result, you feel compelled to share every little detail of your life with the world.

When your husband does something sweet for you, and your automatic reaction is “Instagram!” there’s something wrong. It’s human nature to want to share our love. In a Philosophy of Love course I took in first year, we learned that a couple becomes one unit to the public eye. We can’t think of X without thinking of Y. And they’re proud of that. So it’s very natural to want to stand on top of a mountain, and proudly shout, “I HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD!” And there may even be a small bit inside of you that’s giggling and teasing, “nananabooboo.”

This constant need to share your spouse’s acts of kindness could originate from a little insecurity. You want to let the world know you’re happy. You want to prove it with evidence. You care to that extent. Maybe you want to make someone a little jealous. Maybe you’re subconsciously bragging about how awesome your love life is. Or maybe you’re just genuinely in love with your spouse and want to share the happiness he bestows upon you. But think about this: if you have something precious, preserve it. Cherish it. Don’t keep sharing it with the world. And by time, you’ll notice a bond even stronger between both of you, because you’ll learn to feel emotionally satisfied with just the performer— not the audience.

But beware; there could be danger. By time, you’re going to enjoy the “likes” and the “oh-that’s-so-sweet-you’re-so-lucky” comments, more than the act of love itself. You’ll look past it, and only feel true enjoyment when it’s publicized. You’ll realize that if you don’t tweet about it or Instagram it, you’re not feeling satisfied, because you used his love to create a sort of love and acceptance for yourself from others.

And you may not be the only person in danger.

When you post every tiny detail of how “awesome” your love life is, that’s the only message you send out. You’re obviously not going to post about the time he hurt you, or made you cry. Maybe he doesn’t, and that’s great. But you’re not going to post your fights/arguments either, which we know are quite inevitable. You only select what seems “perfect.” And here’s the problem with that:

If your friend A, sees all the amazingly cute stuff your husband does for you, but doesn’t see what’s behind the scenes, she’s going to assume that’s the “normal” or the “ideal.” So she’s going to raise her expectations towards her spouse, who may be showering her with love in a different, yet still completely loving, way. She’s going to naively assume that you never get into any fights. Deep down, she knows you do. But her instant thought is, “how could they ever get into an argument when he does all this ‘cute’ stuff?”

So the idea is just to preserve that genuine love. Am I proposing that we keep our love lives undercover? No. But the idea is to not make publicizing it your default setting when he does something “oh-so-sweet.”

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Discussion

3 thoughts on “Oh you shouldn’t have! But now that you did…’tweet!’

  1. Seriously this article touches on something SO important that most newlywed girls don’t even realize until it’s too late or it is brought to their attention by others (mostly through articles as this one!). I know because I am a newlywed myself and really, really came close to falling permanently into this unhealthy behaviour recently! It took a few articles like this and self reflection over my own instagram page to really see what was happening! I began comparing how much I truly valued the things I shared over those kept between the two of us and realized how much more sacred, beautiful and special the sweet things he does for me felt when I kept them to myself and between us. Each time I opened my mouth and shared something he did I began to literally feel like I was losing the sacredness of the love it represented and created! I truly wonder if anyone else shares these feelings! Thanks Amal for sharing this and helping me strengthening my resolve because the temptation is always there each time another person over-shares (I mean in the extreme 4-times-a-week way) to prove that I too have a beautiful bond and relationship with my husband. Each day that passes though that I don’t, I smile more and more to myself and cherish just how much more special and valuable it is to us alhamdulilah! Very rewarding!

    Posted by tahra | February 15, 2014, 10:16 pm
  2. SubhanAllah,, :)

    Posted by Uskuril | February 23, 2014, 4:41 am
  3. Very well written, MashaAllah :)

    Posted by Raising Young Believers | March 2, 2014, 2:10 am

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